Paula Deen

July 25, 2013


Whatever Happened to Paula Deen?

It has been a little over three weeks since the media feeding frenzy over Paula Deen's racist remarks.  I find it fascinating that this woman who was so vilified is now off the radar.  If you enter her name into your browser you will find a few interesting tidbits.  For example, Deen's former cook discussed the way Deen treated her in a USA Today article, (http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2013/07/25/paula-deens-cook-confirms-racism-speaks/2586063/).  If it is true, it gives credence to the accusations.  You'll also find an article about her cancelling an appearance at a NYC festival, (http://www.christianpost.com/news/paula-deen-cancels-appearance-at-nyc-festival-100754/). But, for the most part, you don't hear much about her anymore.

You would think that the article about her cook would raise eyebrows and be an excellent follow-up for the press, but we haven't heard a peep.   I'm sure that Paula Deen is doing everything she can to keep herself out of the media eye at the moment, but in this 24/7 social media world, you would think we would hear something, but we haven't.  Why? Because Paula is old news.

The Paula Deen scandal is like so many others.  It burned hot, furious, and fast.  It was over in a New York minute.  The media bludgeoned us with the scandal for days.  I don't know about you, but I was sick of hearing about it.  I think that is part of it, as well.  We are so inundated with sound bites that we tire of news quickly.  We are bored and annoyed by the constant barrage and start tuning out.  That is the turning point for the media.  They move on to the next sound bite.

Is this a good thing?  I don't think so.  For a start, news programs need balance.  Slow news days are the worst.  They will latch on to any piece of information and recycle it until they find something more interesting.  Viewers tune out.  I'd rather check news organizations online rather than watch the constant verbal diarrhea on television.

Today's hot news topic is the latest on Anthony Weiner.  He keeps making the news, because he keeps screwing up.  He's a news channel's (and a comedienne's) dream.  The lyrics to "Dirty Laundry" keep running through my head.

I would love to say news organizations are fair and balanced, but it is all about ratings.  I know I am an old lady, but I yearn for the time when we got our news at noon, five and eleven. 


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June 28, 2013

There has a lot been said recently about Paula Deen.  I will not be her judge and jury.  However, I am appalled at the number of innocents who are now paying the price due to the backlash.  The employees of her closed restaurants are now out of work.  Target, Wal-Mart, Home Depot, etc. have broken their ties with her.  This means that the factories making her products will lose business.  They will have to shut their assembly lines down as there is not enough time to find replacement business.  Someone will have to pay for the products that have been made or were in production.  That isn’t necessarily Paula.  Many times celebrities lend their names to products or license them for a fee.  A lot of bottom lines will be affected.  People will lose their jobs.

Not long ago, the restaurant, Chick-fil-A, took a great deal of heat.  The company funneled some of its profits into groups that were antigay.  People reacted negatively and the company bowed to pressure and changed its practices.  At no time were Chick-fil-A’s employees affected. 

Chick-fil-A, like Paula Deen’s empire, is headed by one person.  Although I don’t support anyone who is a racist or a bigot, do we have the right to destroy their businesses?  Shouldn’t the owner of Chick-fil-A spend his money as he wants?  If we don’t like what a person says or does, we have the right not to frequent the business, but do we have the right to tell him how to think or how he may spend his money? We can affect their bottom line and hopefully change their attitude, but do we need to shut the business down?  If the business apologizes, changes their practices and moves on, more has been accomplished than if it had been closed.

We don’t investigate every business we frequent.  I don’t know if the owner of my local grocery store is morally bankrupt.  I don’t do a background check on my local pharmacist.  I frequent these businesses, because I like the way they do business.  If I discovered that they were engaged in unfair business practices, were mistreating their employees, were refusing to hire based on race and gender etc., I would react.  There are legal ramifications for such behavior and I would pursue them.

At this point we don’t know that about Paula Deen.  I have stated that I was upset by the overreaction.  What she said was offensive. (Please see my previous blog: The "n" word. http://onewomansopin.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-n-word.html.)  Her plans for an antebellum wedding demonstrated she was oblivious to put it mildly, all African-American male waiters, really?  She apologized, but it was done clumsily.  Some felt that she hadn’t apologized enough or hadn’t truly taken ownership of her mistake.  But is she a racist or a bigot?  I don’t know what is in that woman’s heart.  There is a complaint filed by a white employee stating she is.  The courts have yet to determine whether this is true.  Until then I will reserve judgment.

I have never purchased anything remotely related to Paula Deen so my reaction will have no impact on her.  Whether she is a racist who abused her employees will be determined by the courts and it is up to the courts to determine what punishment, if any, she deserves. 

Forgive me for rambling.  I have seen racism throughout my life.  My family has been affected by it.  Yet, in my heart I forgive Paula.  I think that is what bothers me the most.  The reaction to her has been hateful and spiteful rather than sad that such a loving person could be so far off the mark.  Was she wrong to use that word?  YES!  But I wonder if the resulting backlash teaches anyone anything.  Racism is born of fear and ignorance.  Responding to hate with hate fuels it rather than extinguishes it.  

June 29, 2013 Update

I read an excellent article on this subject matter today and wanted to share it with you: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/09/chick-fil-a-re-evaluates-funding-for-anti-gay-marriage-groups/ 

July 2, 2013 Update

I mentioned my concern that more people will be impacted by the scandal that just Paula Deen.  The following link discusses this in detail: http://money.cnn.com/2013/07/02/news/companies/paula-deen-suppliers/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

The "n" word

July 22, 2013

There has been so much going on in the past several months.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to determine that we need a frank and open discussion about race in this country.

We haven't heard much from Paula Deen since the initial controversy.  She cancelled an October appearance at the NY Wine and Food Festival.  Since she no longer has a relationship with the Food Network, it isn't surprising.  George Zimmerman was found not guilty.  Some people are happy about it, but a lot of others are not.  Then there's the "Big Brother" controversy, where racist, homophobic and misogynistic behavior has incurred the wrath of the Internet. (See: http://onewomansopin.blogspot.com/2013/07/big-brother-controversy.html)  The comments flying back and forth on social media haven't been helpful.  People are angry.  They are hurt and they are confused.

So how do we start the discussion?  The truth is there are two or more sides to everything.  Unfortunately, so many people only see one side of an issue.  They aren't open other possibilities.  Cultural differences complicate matters. America is a melting pot.  We grow up in different cultures. They can be ethnic or regional and not understanding how different we all are is a major roadblock.  Throw in "noise" to the mix.  Noise is what keeps us from understanding the original intention of a communication. Ever send an email that was completely misinterpreted?  That's an example of noise. (See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communication)

There are so many factors keeping us from communicating, but somehow we have to get past all that and start listening to each other more.  Twitter and Facebook restrict us in the way we communicate.  It is hard to get an idea across when you are limited to 140 characters.  They also offer us anonymity.  People say some awful things on social media sites that they would never do in person.  This pours fuel on the fire and is another barrier to communication.

So what do we do?  Talk to each other!  Listen and learn!  Let your guard down and prepare to have your thoughts and ideas challenged.  Agree to disagree, but respect the other person's opinion.  Hang in there until you read understand what the other person is saying.

I've said this before and I will say it again. The hate has to stop.  Life is too short for this.


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There has been a lot of controversy surrounding Paula Deen’s admission that she used the "n" word thirty years ago.  I do not believe there is another word in our vocabulary as offensive.

Paula has been publicly flogged for her admission.  I will not be her judge and jury.  I am concerned that the younger generation does not understand why that word is so offensive.  They hear it daily in music, in movies and on television.  I am afraid that its constant usage will give them the impression that it is nothing more than a slang term.  I hope that the following story illustrates how vile that word really is.

I grew up in the 50’s.  I lived in an apartment building on the south side of Chicago.  Shortly after I turned five, my mother announced that she was expecting a baby.  I was thrilled.  Unfortunately, she had a very difficult pregnancy.  She was flat on her back for the duration.  My mother needed someone to take care of me while my Dad worked so she asked her friend, Mrs. Brown, if her daughter could babysit that summer. 

Mrs. Brown’s daughter was nicknamed Sister and she was so cool!  She had a poodle skirt, bobby socks, and saddle shoes.  She wore her hair in a ponytail that swished when she walked.  I couldn’t wait for her to get off the bus every morning.

My mother was happy too.  Sister took excellent care of me and kept the apartment clean.  I was a lonely only child and I loved her.  She taught me how to jump rope and use a hula hoop.  I was in heaven!

One day will forever stand out in my mind.  My mother needed something from the grocery store.  She gave Sister some money and hand-in-hand we went.  There were two small Mom and Pop shops in my neighborhood.  We went to the first store, but they didn’t have what we needed.  We had to walk a bit further to the second store.  We opened the door, but stopped in the doorway.  I remember Sister standing there quietly holding my hand. There was a man and woman standing at the counter talking to the store owner who was standing behind it.  They turned to look at us.  I don’t remember hearing what was said, but we never went into the store.  Sister turned around and we walked home.  She handed the money back to my mother.  They never said a word, but something passed between them when they looked into each others eyes.

A few days later, our landlord paid us a visit.  My mother had a great deal of respect for him.  He was a displaced person.  He had escaped Poland with his wife and children during WWII, leaving his mother behind.  He had been through so much.  He approached my mother with tears in his eyes.  He had received threats that if he didn’t get rid of the ******, the building would be bombed.  This man left Poland for the United States to escape persecution.  He was horrified that he was in this position.  There were at least ten children living in that apartment building.  My mother spoke with Mrs. Brown and Sister never returned.

I could tell you similar stories, but it is my hope this one is sufficient.  I believe in forgiveness.  It was a different time.  People acted out of fear and ignorance.  I know that many look back in shame at what they said or did.  We grow.  We learn.  We mature.  We move on. But we should never be complacent.  This word shouldn’t be used by anyone.  It needs to be removed from the American vocabulary.

June 27, 2013

I realized that people might misunderstand or misinterpret what I wrote. I want to clear up any possible misconceptions.  My mother was very close to Mrs. Brown.  They worked side by side on an assembly line before my mother had to take time off to have my brother.  My mother hired Sister because she was her friend's daughter and she knew her well.  

My mother and our landlord were appalled by the threats.  Our landlord fled Poland to escape the Nazis.  He thought he was bringing his family to a country where all were safe from persecution.  He regretted having to ask this of my mother, but felt he had no choice.  The safety of the building's children was his responsibility.  My mother agreed out of fear for Sister's safety.  Although the bigot's might think twice before blowing up a building full of children, they would not have any problems attacking Sister as she got off the bus.  

My family remained friends with the Browns for many years.  Although Sister never returned, Mrs. Brown and her youngest daughter visited us on a regular basis.  We would visit the Browns, as well. 

There are those who look back at the 50's with nostalgia.  I have never understood why.

Does sex sell?

Kraft Zesty Print Ad

The Today Show posted this photo on Facebook asking if the ad went too far.  My initial reaction was YOWSA!  My second was ewwww!  The response to the Today’s Show’s posting has been mixed.  Some cheered.  Some felt it was inappropriate.  Others felt that it hadn’t gone far enough.  The ad did what it intended to do.  It garnered a lot of attention.

But does it sell cheese?  I am not going to run out and buy a Kraft product based on the ad.  After my first reaction, I found it a bit of a turn off.  Unless you have some kinky plans for the cheese, cheese and sex seem counter intuitive.  One isn’t normally associated with the other, hence my secondary reaction, Gross! 

So when does sex sell?  A friend pointed out Victoria Secret uses sex to sell its products, but that makes sense.  They sell lingerie, a product that is used in the bedroom.  Beckham’s ads for H&M were in the same context.  Sex definitely sells products that are associated with the body.

I wonder how often we are motivated to purchase products based on advertising.  Marketing firms will tell you that we do.  Do we buy a sport car because a shapely model is draped across it?  If you are wealthy you might, but the majority of us take a more practical approach.  Does the car meet our needs and our budget?  We might fantasize about the hot car, but we buy the one we can afford.

Remember the Lucky Vanous 1994 Diet Coke commercial?  As a woman I cheered, “Yea, finally one for our side!”  My peers agreed, but did we buy Diet Coke?  Cola customers are brand loyal.  As a Pepsi fan, I didn’t change. 

Sex will always be used in advertising.  “Sex sells” is a marketing mantra.  Some worry that saturating the market with sexually oriented ads isn’t healthy, that it will have a negative impact on younger viewers.  I feel that it is an easy way out.  There are a lot of intelligent, funny, and creative ways to advertise.  In Kraft’s case, its ad distracts and takes away from the product.  Sex may sell, but there are other methods.

Full Moon

I am not superstitious, but there are times when I wonder if the moon affects our psyches.  I swear all the online crazies came out this week.  (A friend assured me that the off liners were just as nuts, as well.)  What made me reach this conclusion?  Three different people went after me this week: one on Twitter and two on Facebook.  Why?  Who knows?!!!

I have been living in the virtual world for over twenty years.  I started on Prodigy, spending most of my time in the genealogy forums.  I moved to AOL and became a regular in the News Room chat room.  There I honed my skills.  If AOL chat rooms are the wild, wild, west, the News Room was no man’s land.  You had to learn to be tough quickly.  We debated politics, religion, OJ and Bill Clinton.  It was no holds barred.  The majority of the people were wonderful.  We had intelligent discussions and although they could become heated, we never held grudges.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same for everyone.

There were those who didn’t understand that it was appropriate to agree to disagree.  They became angry, rude and abusive.  Teens would engage in virtual assault, causing chaos with disruptive software applications.  My friends and I would gang up on the snerts and drive them from the room.  One group invaded the room and blocked us all.  It got so bad that we moved to a private chat room where we had better privacy controls.

I learned a great deal during my time on AOL.  It came in handy this week.  I am involved in a number of news discussion groups on Facebook.  People get along fairly well.  Every once in a while someone will get their nose out of joint, but I ignore them and move on.  This week I had to put all my skills to use dealing with someone who didn’t like the way I posted my messages.  The person went after me.  We were in a talk show discussion.  Everyone was happily debating today’s topic, except one person who felt I needed instruction in discussion etiquette.  My tweets and Facebook postings are used on CBS, NBC, an independent network, two radio stations and a major newspaper on a regular basis.  I know what I am doing.  She was out of line.  If I wanted, I could have gone after her and torn her to shreds, but it would have been disruptive.  I took the high road instead.

The best way to deal with online crazies is to IGNORE THEM!  Facebook has a wonderful feature.  You can block anyone and everyone.  All you have to do is go to your privacy settings, search for the crazy and block them!  The cool thing is they have no idea that they are being blocked.  You simply disappear from their sight.  They disappear from yours, as well.  Both of you can still participate in the groups and discussions.  Everyone else can see you.  It is a win-win.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot you can do on Twitter.  I watched a nasty fight in a television show’s Twitter feed yesterday.  One woman went after another.  The victim felt vulnerable.  My best advice is to remain calm.  Don’t engage the crazy.  In a few words, state that you are terminating the interaction and deleting any further tweets that appear on your feed, then do it!  Have no further interactions with them.  As far as you are concerned they do not exist.  If you have a good reputation, you have no need to worry. 

If they continue to go after you, it will be obvious to everyone they are nuts.  Remember we are living in a virtual world.  The crazies are only as real as you are willing to make them.

July 5, 2013

By the way, Twitter has a blocking feature.  Just use their help feature and it will walk you through it.